Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
