i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
