we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
