I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
