we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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