put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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