i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
