why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
