Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
