there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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