I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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