and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
