I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
