after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
