the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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