I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
