you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
