do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
