I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
