my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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