it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
