He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
