Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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