I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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