I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
