I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
