My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
