It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
