That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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