At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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