You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
