I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
