Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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