Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
