And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
