Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
