the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
