I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
