Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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