why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
