this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
