What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
