oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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