That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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