I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
