Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
