Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
