He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
