Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
