please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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