it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
