it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
