if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
